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Just Because… We’re Not In Texas

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Today we acknowledge the fact that I am not always perfect.
This is just as big of a shocker to you as it is to me.
We can undoubtedly agree that I have perfect hair, no matter the color.

 Make the perfect faces.

Have the perfect head for a crown.

 And have perfect taste in natural looking nail choices.

The one thing, out of the many many many many many many many many many things I am good at, that I am not so great at is sometimes cooking.
But really even that isn’t my fault, it is the recipes.
And that ladies and husband-worthy gentlemen is why I created my newest pinterest board entitled {Go Home Pinterest, You’re Drunk} which includes an array of pins that are not so truthful. Not even someone this perfect can make them work.

 So today, just because we’re not in Texas, I will tell you about my little flop with a Texas Sheet cake.
It all began Sunday night when I was left home alone. Like, without a babysitter and everything.
I was bumbling around the kitchen looking for something to eat when my sweet tooth taste buds, which are located on the tip of your tongue in case you were unaware, started to cry out to me. They wanted something sweet to eat.
So we can blame this whole fiasco on them really.
 They decided that a Texas sheet cake would hit the spot. A Texas sheet cake is a thin, chocolatey cake with the best rich chocolate “frosting” on top. Except it is not really a frosting. Its basically pure sugar butter and coco. See why the sweet taste buds wanted it?
Instead of doing the sensible thing and digging around to find my sweet Grammy’s tried and true sheet cake recipe I thought I would go the trendy, Gen-Y route. I turned to the internet.
And found what was suppose to be this fabulous Texas sheet cake recipe, that ended up taking the Texas right out of my sheet cake.
It began like most good things do, with one cup of melted butter. That is two sticks of butter for those of you who are not aware of the science that is baking.
All is well that starts with that much fat I thought.
Things got a little tricky when it came to picking out my baking element however. You see, not living in Texas I do not have the proper baking element for sheet cakes. We have plenty of baking sheets but those are not like the proper jelly roll pans that you are meant to use to make a good thin sheet cake. The next best thing was a 10×15″ casserole dish. Good enough I thought. Plus, the recipe seemed to recommend similar dimensions so it must be true, I thought.
Last time I trust pan dimensions from the internet.
But all the same, I put the cake to bake in the oven for 20 minutes and started on the “frosting,” which contains another half a cup of butter. Paula Dean was looking at me and smiling in those moments. But her blessings stopped there. After 20 minutes the cake was slightly cooked on the outsides but remained a sloshing liquid in its center. No good.
Another 15 minutes later and that was about all the patience I had left.
Out it came, on went the “frosting” and I waited patiently.
For about 5 minutes.
Then I had to try the thing. It was supposedly the best Texas sheet cake recipe on the internet and I figured two perfect things had to end up well. Well the laws of common sense worked against that theory.  The pictures sort of speak for themselves.

 Clearly, it was way too thick. Texans may like their hair thick but their sheet cakes are meant to be thin like their beauty queens. It didn’t taste very good either, so the whole thing was sort of a flop. Next time I’ll get off my lazy bum and look harder for Grammy’s tried and true recipe or just ask her to make it instead.
Lesson learned; don’t take the sheet cake out of Texas.

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